Restrained by uyat [shame]: culture of dating and romantic relationships among urban Kyrgyz youth

Abstract

This thesis is an exploratory qualitative study of the culture of premarital dating and romantic relationships among urban Kyrgyz youth in the city of Bishkek. Drawing from focus group discussions and individual in-depth interviews with young people, I analyze socio-cultural norms and expectations regarding premarital relationships in Kyrgyz society, as well as present young urbanites’ experiences of these phenomena. I argue that dating and romantic relationships are socially approved practices in Kyrgyz society mainly because they are viewed as precursors to marriage – an important social institution. However, the approval comes with certain limitations – among them the most pronounced is condemnation of premarital sex in relation to women. While young men allegedly enjoy the freedom of their sexuality, young Kyrgyz women are strongly discouraged from engaging in premarital sex. Uyat – a local concept of shame is used as a mechanism of controlling correct gender performance, as well as an instrument of punishment for deviant behavior. Restrained by uyat, women are finding creative ways of upholding the social norms – their aim is neither subordination nor subversion, but rather finding new ways of operating in the given reality.